Adoption.....the beginning, My story.
As a parent of two adopted children I wanted to write about this subject purely because when I was going through the process I needed someone to tell me that the feelings I had were normal, I needed someone to turn to , I needed advice from someone who had adopted a child themselves but I didn’t know anyone. My life was full of well meaning family and friends all willing to give me the advice they thought I needed but it didn't really skim the surface of how I was feeling throughout this long and arduous process. I'm hoping to write a few short posts explaining our experience of the adoption process from our very first tentative steps into the first adoption course , to being parents to our two amazing and funny little children. Please sign up if you don’t want to miss a post!
My back story is similar to thousands of other adoptive parents, I was straight out of years of failed fertility treatment .We were sitting on a beach in Egypt after just finding out that our final attempt at treatment had failed, we were discussing our future and decided the next natural step for us was adoption. Excited, we decided to make the call when we got back home , we spent the rest of the holiday talking non stop about our plans. On our return I called Social Services after eventually tracking down the correct department, I was told someone would be in touch to pay us a visit.
I cleaned the house like someone possessed on the day the social worker arrived and tried my best to look like I had it all together.
The social worker took down some details, asked us some very personal questions regarding miscarriges, fertility treatment, and our relationship. She then told us the next step would be that we would need to go to a meeting for prospective adopters which would give us all the information we needed to know about the types of children needing loving homes and parents. Sadly for us she informed us that we were not able to attend this first meeting until we had “grieved" for the children we might have had through fertility treatment. Looking back they were right to give us that six months to recover but at the time the delay was torture for us.
Six months dragged by and we eventually walked like terrified kittens into the meeting, about twelve other nervous couples just like us were in the room with us . We sat and listened as they spoke to us about the horrific lives these little children have had to endure in their ever so short lives, how many of these kids had been in care all of their lives and some of them would continue to be untill adulthood. I felt utterly utterly sad , I wanted to help them all and felt useless that I was unable to do so.
Next a really lovely adoptive couple came to tell us all about their experience as adoptive parents , they told us they had adopted a little girl then later a little boy, I was mesmerised by their increadibly happy and heartwarming story and excited that this could be us in a few years time. We left the meeting knowing that we'd been put on this path for a reason and we understood for the first time why the fertility treatment hadn’t worked. I got in the car and cried, bucketfuls of tears. I’d never been more sure of anything in my life.
Final thoughts ....if you are thinking of starting the adoption process, are half way through it or, are an adoptive parent / grandparent , I'd love to hear from you , just drop me a line in the comments box. I’m happy to answer any questions .. no matter how big or small!
In my next posts I'll be covering the home visits and the four day adoption course, my story is a warts and all account of our journey, there are tears and a lot of laughter, welcome aboard!
Labels: Adoption, adoption process, family
posted by The Fifamaster @ 1:56 pm
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